Get ready to put it in your head! Because I’m playing FPS burp ‘em up: BrandGames’ Mr. Pibb – The 3D Interactive Game (1998).
This is what you get for the title screen in this game. More like opening screen, to me. In the picture, it’s obvious that there’s group of zombies chasing our protagonist. But the protagonist looks even weirder than the zombies. Where’s the rest of his body? Is he just living head? That’s as horrendous as zombie! For disclosure. I play this game and make review of it, not to promote Mr. Pibb. I don’t even know what Mr. Pibb taste like because it doesn’t exist here, in Indonesia. Some say it’s Dr. Pepper but made by The Coca-Cola company. Anyway, let’s get into it!
So, here I am at the school’s entrance area. Funny looking fountain there but again classic Doom can’t made fountain yet. The closest to it is on Doom 2 there’s map called Bloodfalls and there’s staged column with blood texture. Looks fountain enough to me. Anyway, I see zombie there. Let’s meet him…
The control is your typical DOS FPS game: Arrow keys to move forward/backward or turn left/right. Left control to shoot in the center of your view. Shooting zombie with gun is too violent for this game and also doesn’t promote Mr. Pibb well. Instead, your character burps a shockwave-like projectile at the zombie.
With enough burp projectiles, the zombie will be dezombified. You can’t do that with real hard bullets, right? Anyway, there’s a cup of Mr. Pibb tm. It will replenish my health by 15. I know it’s common in old non-RPG video game, referring health with strength instead of HP or life. But it’s still odd to me.
To open door, you only have to move forward to it and it open by itself. It sounds convenient but when there’s enemy camping at the door you will have hard time to deal with the enemy. This happens in my playthrough like thrice! So, I’m forced to take some damage to open the door and deal with the enemy at point blank range. These zombies need to learn technical etiquette of “Keep the doorway clear!”.
What makes you think we need gold key to open this door, Mr. Pibb boy? There’s no color indicator for this door like classic Doom. Fine! Let’s search for the gold key somewhere in this damn school.
I found this floating straw in the middle of stairway. The message claims that I need it in order to use antidote which is vial filled with purple liquid that I found in another part of school.
I can’t step on the last top stair that result me drown in this top floor. But I can fix this problem by walking back to downstair.
I hate enemy that spawn on the door and the corner. They hit me many times without me knowing their location. The protagonist’s turning speed is so damn slow that it helps enemy hitting me more easily.
I accidentally pressing “Tab” button to discover automap in this game! Meanwhile when I look at these so-called “friends” of mine that previously zombie, I realize that they have cloth’s size issue. The girl’s shirt is too small. While the nerd’s trouser is too short.
I though the antidote is healing item like in Corpse Killer. Turns out, it’s another weapon besides my burp. The antidote bubble is pretty strong weapon. It takes only 1 hit to turn zombie into their normal human self.
As I walk on the bridge from previous moment, I’m clipped off and fall to swimming pool area. Then I’m attacked ferociously by 2 zombies down here. Scout_jeers11.wav
Inside the swimming pool, I found pliers! Who the heck put pliers inside school’s swimming pool? >:I
It can become rusty, you know?
I defeat 2 zombies within locker room and they later turn into the same girl and a female teacher. As I turn around to move on to next place, I’m surprised with these 2 zombies appear on entrance way of the locker room. Where the heck did you come from?
I can’t use the vending machine for refreshing Mr. Pibb soda. The irony! Even the janky FPS Day of The Zombie allows me to get drink from vending machine even though the can of soda does nothing.
There’s ventilation shaft but covered with ventilation grill. But the pliers can cut it open. As I crawl through this ventilation shaft, I should say that line in Die Hard. What was it again? “Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs.”
I ain’t going into that fire. Why there’s fire exhaustion in school’s ventilation system? Is it from the kitchen?
There’s another ventilation shaft with fire exhaustion but this one doesn’t spray fire endlessly. I have to time it right to get through it safely though. I don’t why there’s zombie teacher in this ventilation shaft along with bunch of items. Best not ask her why.
Another ventilation shaft leads to this generator room and it’s one-way trip because the ventilation hole is unreachable because it’s too high. There are 3 zombies waiting inside of this room. I defeated 2 of them but I can’t hit the last one through that center gap because the burp projectile is too big. I need to take detour to the left, so I can hit that last bastard. The exit door from this room is locked with bronze key. I got hard locked! Luckily, I made game save from the beginning of ventilation shaft. Quite long way back but better than stuck in this soggin’ room.
I’m stumbled upon a cafeteria. No food around here but sure lots of dining table and chair around. Anyway, here’s my other weapon: Mega Burp. It’s burp amplified with megaphone, you see. The projectile is bigger and stronger. With regular burp, I need 5 or 6 hits to defeat a zombie. Whereas with mega burp, I need 3 hits defeat a zombie. While with the antidote, I need only 1 bubble to defeat a zombie. Because the antidote bubble is small projectile and yet very powerful. Maybe it’s meant to be “sniper” weapon. Theoretically, both burp and mega burp can hit multiple enemies due to its large projectile size. However, in practice the projectile’s size is more detrimental than beneficial because it often hit decorations instead of multiple enemies.
I can’t go to kitchen because it’s locked with golden key but I press the button to unlock the lunch tray door so I can go to kitchen through it.
I didn’t find any kitchen equipment like stove, oven, or even shelves! But I found golden key in this corner though. Demoman_mvm_loot_godlike01.wav
With golden key at my inventory, I can unlock more classroom. This is what I mean with the burp projectile doesn’t work well. I try to aim at the zombie, but the projectile hit the desk. Meanwhile, the zombie has hitscan hadou ken, Kamehameha, or whatever. I thought zombie only known for biting or clawing. This is rather unfair.
I look at the bulletin board. Is that manual cover for Alien’s game. On its right, there’s periodic table of chemistry. I really hate chemistry, not even with passion. Let’s move on!
I unlocked the library with golden key. After defeating more zombies, I found bronze key on quiet corner of the library. Isn’t bronze key supposed to be brown instead of yellow though?
I like that there’s Mr. Pibb’s motto on this chalkboard. I wonder how much The Coca-Cola company bribe the teacher so they teach the motto of Mr. Pibb at early age.
Besides the chalkboard, there’s floating silver key. Grab it! Heavy_mvm_loot_rare01.wav
Eh, Houston! We got problem. Remember that moment where I submerged into stair’s level? This time it gets worse. I can’t even go downstair to normalize my footing. I’m stuck on this level that I can clip off on ceiling. Apparently, I mustn’t run on stairway lest this bug happens again. Holding left shift button to run, by the way.
Now that I have the bronze key, I can enter the generator room properly through the door. Don’t know where the door that leads to generator room is? It’s at the end of the bridge where I test the antidote bubble for the first time. The bridge is above the swimming pool.
The closet door in the generator room also locked with bronze key and I found bolt cutter inside of it. Do you think bolt cutter is useful to cut the ventilation grill because it has same-y function with pliers? No. You thought wrong. The bolt cutter is for something else entirely. But I don’t remember what for. I don’t play this game entirely blind. I watch some VOD but I can’t remember everything.
What I remember is: there’s secret on the fountain at the entrance. Follow this canal and…
...and I end up at the magnetic-locked door. Never mind. I miss something. Hold on…
Back to the school and getting lost for 20 minutes or so…
See that hatch? You can find this before the bridge that leads to generator room. This hatch can only be opened with the bolt cutter.
Following shaft beyond that hatch is way to utility room with 2 levers and 2 zombies. The utility room can’t be opened from outside for no goddamn reason. There’s no message when I bump my head into the door of utility room. There should be message like “There must be another way to this utility room” or something. One lever to turn off the magnetic power that lock that giant door that I found on secret passage. While the another one to unlock the goddamn utility room itself! I also baffled with these classmate and teacher. They’re in the way of the lever that unlock the door of this room. You don’t have to deal with this stupid problem in classic Doom because defeated enemies become intangible corpse instead of innocent doofus that get in your way like in this stupid promotional video game. Luckily, you can jump over them by pressing “Home” button which also function as swim up. While pressing “End” button to crouch and swim down.
So, I backtrack to that giant door…
I end up in this area near toxic sludge pool. I feel like at home. By home I mean my childhood memory of playing classic Doom. The game calls it lava but I’m not buying it. Lava is not supposed to be green like toxic waste. Lava on lava lamp, doesn’t count! To get pass this toxic pool and move up to that higher ground, I need to activate lever that makes that platform over there moves. Jump on it at perfect timing and then jump to that higher ground. Thankfully, my jump is high enough to reach there. There’s door in right in front of me that’s locked with silver key thankfully, I did find it on that classroom. If you happen to not have the silver key, you have to go back to fork road behind. Walk into left path instead of right path like I do here. The path there will end in that same toxic pool area. But since you show up on the left path, you probably have hard time hitting the platform or at least not as easy as in here where you are on the center area as opposite to the left corner.
Another toxic pool area but with 3 platforms (or lava raft as the game calls them) to activate first before I can reach to my destination on far center. I like to show you that the burp projectile has some trajectory on it that I can hit that zombie on lower ground. It’s over, zombie! I have the high ground!
As I approach the lever on right wing, the Mr. Pibb boy comments how these walls look weird even though they’re the same with other wall in this area.
There’s a zombie on toxic pool and I humanize him. The boy looks fine in the middle of toxic pool but when I walk on it, my health drained very fast. That’s unfair!
I successfully walk into first platform and I accidentally activate the third platform because I happen to be near pillar with lever on it. Maybe the idea is I have to get to the second platform (right in front of me there) first then I can activate the lever which located on the same plane with it. But strangely I can activate it when I was still in first platform.
So, I have to get to that main alcove on the most left in this screenshot to progress however the door there is locked. The key to unlock it, is in the rightest alcove. Naturally, I try to get there with the third platform but the gap between alcove and the platform is too far for my jump to cover it. Several times I died on the toxic pool because I try to get the key. One time I manage to get it with 1 health however I discover that the alcove over there is connected to secret corridor. Remember that comment about the wall looks weird? Turns out, I can push through it and get inside the secret corridor so I can get the key without that stupid harmful platforming section.
As I open the final locked door, I encounter this arena that could be for final battle. But I can snipe them from here. I don’t want to get ambushed from sides before clearing enemies in front of me.
Sniper_sf13_magic_reac07.wav. As I take few steps in to the wide room, the floor is lowered and some other don’t, making a surprise maze like in The House of The Dead 2.
Eventually, I overcome the labyrinth. Now, I encounter the mad scientist that responsible for the zombie accident! Why there’s secret laboratory hidden within school? I don’t know for sure. I think the evil scientist here is drop-out from the school. He can’t accept that, later make the secret laboratory to turn everyone in school to become zombie so the school’s graduation rate drops down very significantly. Come to think of it, I didn’t see the headmaster of the school. Maybe the mad scientist is the headmaster! Boredom or frustration get the best of him and he decides making a secret laboratory and turn everyone into zombie is lots more fun. I like the second theory, so I go with that. Though I can’t explain why he carries HP and MP potion on each hand.
I waste almost all of my antidote spray on him and he refuse to lose. Then I notice there’s a pillar with lever on it. Upon activation, it opens the cell behind him. Oh, I see. Once he takes enough damage (5 antidote bubble sprays should be enough), he stops firing green orb projectile and start moonwalking. That’s the cue for me to open the cell. Once he’s inside, I must close the cell with the same lever. That quite makes sense. Because the mad scientist is not zombie from the beginning, I can’t turn him into human with either my burp or antidote spray. All I need to do is, give him some projectile until he got shell shock and starts walking backward. Although I don’t think imprisoning him within his workshop count as good solution to solve the problem. But it doesn’t matter. I win. Huzzah!
After all that, I still have to attend the class? Should I get 1 or 2 days official leave as reward? Now I know this school sucks.
BrandGames’ Mr. Pibb – The 3D Interactive Game (1998) is curious case of janky fps game. The arsenal is pretty interesting. Though my problem is the unnecessarily large size of the burp projectile. It’s stuck on innocent people or decoration than hitting multiple enemies. I also don’t like the default burp is located in zero key. I mean I know it means zero for weakest weapon but it’s located far away from hotkey of other weapon: 1 for mega burp and 2 for antidote bubble. I like to point out there’s speech for every weapon selected. If you select the default burp, the protagonist says “Watch out!”. Watch out for what? Because I pick the weakest weapon, is that it? No one can warn me about my stingy behavior! If you select the mega burp, he says “Aw, yeah!”. Lastly if you select the antidote, he says “Heads up!”. Since there’s no weapon shown on the game screen, there’s weapon indicator on top-right corner of the HUD. It cycles between mouth, mouth with mega phone, and straw (to indicate you choose the antidote because you need straw to use the antidote). I also like to point out that the mouth will burp as you shoot the projectile. Strange but I quite like this feature. I wish that I can use the antidote as portable healing item besides as the sniper weapon. That would be awesome. The move and the turning are sluggish. The strafing works in unintuitive way. Strafing is done with holding left alt button like usual DOS fps game. The protagonist refuses to strafe if I hold left alt button while still moving. So, I have to stand still first than I can do proper strafe. When I press up or down while strafing, I look up or down so I can’t walk forward or backward while strafing which is very bad. The map is interesting but I don’t like the bug where I submerged into the floor because the game refuses to acknowledge my step into the top floor. And I don’t like the toxic/lava pit section because it requires good jumping physic/capability that the protagonist barely has any. I also don’t like his face. I know the face is official mascot of Mr. Pibb but still I don’t like that stupid face with pogger expression. He looks so annoying and dumb. Lastly, I don’t like zombies seem appear out of thin air. I’m confident that I have secured this corridor only surprised with more zombies when I backtrack. The music is quite earful in bad way. The sound effect is not great.
Mr. Pibb – The 3D Interactive Game (1998) is not good game. But again, if you want good promotional FPS game on DOS, you should play Chex Quest instead. But there’s neat idea with the puzzle boss fight, the key items that are not just key, and the end-game score that probably for contest that’s outdated long time ago. Though I don’t like the term “Friends slimed” for friendly fire. It sounds lewd. I also like the setting of zombie disaster but in heartwarming tone. It’s so 90s. Now if you’ll excuse me. I need to search and stock up Mr. Pibb in case of zombie apocalypse happens in future.
